On the 4th of February, 2023, my little film company Embra Again Productions released a nine-and-a-bit minute horror/comedy called 'F.M.'.
This was a weird one for myself and the cast and crew, as much of it was shot four years earlier. It was actually the first film that Slink Jadranko - my regular cinematographer, cameraman, editor, soundman, etc, etc - and me had shot together. The first material we filmed (the opening sequence) had to be reshot. Filming 'The Cliche' had got in the way. All our other projects got in the way. Not being able to get the original PC Slink worked on to behave got in the way. F.M. seemed doomed to remain uncompleted.
While working on post-production for 'Don't', Slink and I realised that some things needed practiced, and that we needed to practice on a film. F.M. was dug out again. We also needed a VFX artist for Don't, and finding one of those - the inestimable Lysander Armstrong - took a further six months. However, we eventually got F.M. finished in November of 2022.
I wasn't intending to put the film in to any festivals, but then found out that Frightfest did a short film thing called Terror-a-thon at its Glasgow event, with selection taking place in January 2023. In the end, for the first proper festival since Covid lockdowns, Frightfest ended up dropping its short film content from the Glasgow event and moving it to the London one. I didn't want to hold the film back for the selections in August, so instead we went ahead and released it.
-------------
I thought I would post the first and last scripts written for the film. That way, you can see how it developed. You can also see how it changed from the shooting script to the finished piece, with the three sketches making up the bulk of the film swapping around and the addition of some bits of silliness made up on the days we shot.
This first rough draft was written in 2017. I apologise for the inevitable formatting mess dropping it into the blog will make.
SCENE 1
EXT: HOUSE/FLAT, NIGHT
Establish the house
has street lights outside, close to the house.
SCENE 2
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The bedroom is lit
only from the street lights outside. There are two people in the bed.
The MAN wakes.
Bleary-eyed, he looks over to the table by the bedside.
His hand reaches for
the mobile phone, fumbling for it. Around the table, dark shadows are abruptly
chased away by the light of the screen.
The man looks at the
phone screen.
CLOSE-UP: PHONE SCREEN
It’s after 2am, but
not by much.
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The man leans back, so
tired.
His hand dumps the
phone back on the table. As it pulls away, just as the light on the screen goes
out, there’s the suggestion of eyes glittering in the dark by the table.
The man gets up,
reluctantly.
NOTE: All the shots from
here on leave suggestive space beside the man, John Carpenter style. All the
shadows seem darker than they need to be, and pregnant with malice. The only
light comes from streetlights outside the house.
SCENE 3
INT: HALLWAY, NIGHT
The man heads for the
bathroom. He doesn’t switch on lights. The shot lingers on the darkness he
leaves behind him in the bedroom door.
The man turns right
into the bathroom. Now the focus is on the shadows in the rest of the hall.
SCENE 4
INT: BATHROOM
The man is sitting on
the toilet. He’s rubbing his eyes, barely awake.
The view abruptly,
silently rushes back from the man to frame him in the doorway to the bathroom.
Shadows gather. Is that…?
View cuts back to the
man on the loo. He looks up.
View of the doorway
from inside the bathroom. There’s a slow, slow creep towards the edge of the
door frame.
View of the man.
There’s a slow, slow creep to a close-up of his face. He’s looking confused.
Did he see something? Is there someone there?
The two viewpoints
flick back and forwards. It lingers on the edge of the door. Waiting.
One beat.
Two.
Back to the man. He
tips his head, nervous now.
Back to the door
frame. Slightly closer in.
One beat.
Two.
A slight movement in
the shadows.
The man reacts.
Beat.
Back to the door
frame.
Beat.
SFX (off) – Very
slight parp, gentle splash
Back to the man. Full
shot of him sitting on the loo.
Beat.
He shrugs, reaching
for the toilet roll.
SCENE 5
INT: HALLWAY, NIGHT
SFX (off) – Toilet
flushes.
There’s a slightly too
long moment of silence, establishing the shadows. Did something just retreat
into the deeper darkness?
The man walks into the
hall, scratching. He’s a little more awake. He walks toward the bedroom, past
the camera. The shot lingers for an instant. The darkness shifts.
SCENE 6
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The man stops. He’s
just inside the door to his bedroom, his back to the hallway. Behind him, the
shadows seep across the hallway, the darkness behind him gathering. He is very
awake now, his skin crawling.
One beat.
Two.
He turns quickly.
CLOSE-UP: BEDROOM DOOR
Door shutting, the
man’s hand holding it shut.
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The man is breathing
slightly harder than he should, his hand still flat on the door. He’s leaning
into it, slightly.
One beat.
Two.
He smiles slightly,
feeling foolish.
The man steps back,
revealing as he does the pale figure of a Ju-On/The Grudge style CREATURE right
beside him. He registers it in that instant and goes to scream.
Freeze-frame
Beat.
FILTER-SHIFT
TO…
SCENE 7
INT: TV STUDIO,
MIXING DESK
In a shift, it becomes apparent that we are
now seeing the freeze-frame image on a monitor. Camera pulls back to show the
NARRATOR. Monty-Python style
character, always in a trench coat and Trilby hat, always looking terribly
earnest, RP accent.
NARRATOR
Fuckovious
Maximus. In Scotch Gaelic, the legendary Gettaefuk. In French, >screams<
and waves arms.
A recent rise
in the number of these creatures has left many of the great British public scared and confused.
CUT TO…
SCENE 8
EXT: STREET SCENE, NIGHT
PERSON #1 is being
interviewed by the NARRATOR. There is a low garden wall behind them
NARRATOR
How do you feel about the recent rise in the
number of these creatures?
PERSON #1
I’m confused
and scared.
NARRATOR
I see. Is it
possible that you could be scared and confused?
PERSON #1
Yes.
NARRATOR turns to
camera. As he speaks, a CREATURE slowly starts to crawl over the low wall.
PERSON #1 is the intended victim. Camera slowly moves in to frame just the
NARRATOR.
NARRATOR
So, there you
have it. However. Could it be that the average man in the street has got it all wrong? Again.
Camera starts to
slowly move back out to reveal the CREATURE standing where PERSON #1 was.
NARRATOR
Could it be
that there are distinct advantages to having these ancient creatures in our lives?
The CREATURE is
standing, creepy as all Hell. It’s not moving.
NARRATOR
We explored a
few of the possibilities to give you
some idea of how you can take advantage of this supernatural
bounty.
Beat.
The CREATURE does
bunny ears behind the NARRATOR. He doesn’t even look at it when he scolds it.
NARRATOR
Stop that.
The CREATURE somehow looks
sheepish *and* creepy. The NARRATOR looks at it briefly, scowling, then back to
camera.
Beat.
CUT TO…
SCENE 9
INT: LOUNGE/TV ROOM, NIGHT
A GROUP OF 4 YOUTHS
are sitting around, playing video games. A CLOCK in the corner of the room
shows it’s 1am.
MOTHER comes into the
room, in her hideous nightdress. She points to the CLOCK, irritated. The YOUTHS
flip her off and continue gaming.
NARRATOR (off)
Are you tired
of your children and their ill-chosen friends playing the video game until all hours? And on a school night!
MOTHER nods into
camera. She is sad.
NARRATOR (off)
Never fear,
brave woman. (MOTHER looks puzzled.) Instead,
use fear. (MOTHER looks more puzzled.) As a weapon in your disciplinary
arsenal! (MOTHER looks happy.) Observe.
CUT TO…
The YOUTHS are playing
videogames again. Two of them win, two lose. Close on the winning couple of the
Youths as they celebrate. The camera cuts back to long view to show a CREATURE
lurking in the shadows behind the sofa. As one, the YOUTHS realise something is
up. Looking scared, they turn slowly to the CREATURE.
CUT TO…
Ove the shoulder of
the CREATURE, we see the YOUTHS react, screaming.
CUT TO…
CREATURE lunges into
camera.
CUT TO…
SCENE 10
EXT: STREET, FRONT DOOR OF HOUSE, NIGHT
All but one of the
YOUTHS sprint out of the house, screaming.
CUT TO…
SCENE 11
INT: YOUTH’S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The lights are on. The
remaining YOUTH is in his bed, foetal position, rocking. He/she is beyond
terrified.
Camera pulls back to
the MOTHER standing in the doorway. She gives a thumbs-up, switching off the
light and almost closing the door.
NARRATOR (off)
There. That’s
better. He won’t do that again. In a hurry.
View stays on the
door. Long, scary fingers briefly wrap around the edge of the door before it is
pushed closed.
Beat.
SFX YOUTH (off) -
Screaming
CUT TO…
SCENE 12
INT: BATHROOM, NIGHT
PERSON #2 is sitting
on the toilet. They are clearly in some distress, straining away. There is
empty space in front of them, hinting that something should be there. Camera
begins to zoom in on PERSON #2.
NARRATOR
Are you
experiencing unmentionable distress in the toileting process?
PERSON #2 nods to
camera, clearly distressed in the toileting process.
NARRATOR
It need not be
like this. (PERSON #2 looks hopeful.) Try
this.
Beat.
PERSON #2 looks
confused. He/she turns, and there is a hideous face of a CREATURE leering right
at them. PERSON #2 takes a breath to scream when…
SFX (off) – OTT
emptying of bowels noises.
The emptying of bowels
noises go on for just slightly too long. (PERSON #2 has to really sell the
moment!) CREATURE does not react. When the noises stop, PERSON #2 turns and
gives a thumbs-up to the camera.
NARRATOR
There you are,
you vile aberration. Your hideous unfortunism is dealt with, and in a way that isn’t a burden to the State.
PERSON #2 turn back to
the CREATURE, puzzled.
Beat.
The CREATURE smiles in
a predatory way.
Beat.
CREATURE opens its
mouth, wide and hungry, as PERSON #2 goes to scream.
CUT TO…
SCENE 13
INT: BEDROOM, MORNING (BUT BASICALLY NIGHT)
Overhead view looking
down on to a bed. PERSON #3 is sleeping soundly. After a moment…
SFX - alarm clock goes off.
Side view now, as
PERSON #3 looks grumpy, eyes still closed.
View of bedside table,
where the ALARM CLOCK gets slapped off by a questing hand.
Side view. PERSON #3
smiles and goes back to sleep, lying on their back.
NARRATOR (off)
Do you have
problems getting up in the cold winter mornings, despite it being your God-given duty to contribute to this great
society? (Beat.) You piece of
excrement.
PERSON #3 looks up at
the camera, frowning, then goes back to blissful sleep.
NARRATOR (off)
I thought as
much. No matter. There is a solution, have no fear! (Beat.) Well, I say that…
PERSON #3 shifts
uncomfortably, their arms atop the covers. After a moment, a third arm uncurls
from under the blankets. It pulls aside a pillow to reveal a CREATURE lying
beneath PERSON #3, leering over their shoulder. Another arm unfurls on the
opposite side, then legs on either side of PERSON #3. They slowly enwrap their
victim who is about to scream when…
CUT TO…
SCENE 14
INT: OFFICE, DAY
PERSON #3 is at their
desk. They are shaking, but are otherwise catatonic with fear. PERSON #4 drops
off some more paperwork. PERSON #3 reaches for it. As their hand hits it, the
CREATURE’s hand reaches up and slaps down on top of theirs, the leering face
rising up to grin up at PERSON #3, who makes to scream.
FILTER-SHIFT TO…
SCENE 15
In a shift now
familiar to the audience, it becomes apparent that we are now seeing the
freeze-frame image on a monitor. Camera pulls back to show the NARRATOR before
slowly zooming in to focus on him.
NARRATOR
So, there you
have it. Typical British ingenuity turns a plague of Godless abominations into a useful resource.
CUT TO…
SCENE 16
A brief montage of
triumphant moments from the film.
NARRATOR (off)
From
recalcitrant youth, to productivity problems, and even unmentionables in the downstairs department, there are few
problems that cannot be solved with the correct
application of hideous creatures from the netherworld. Just remember…
CUT TO…
SCENE 17
INT: TV STUDIO, MIXING DESK
NARRATOR looking
terribly serious.
NARRATOR
Buy British!
Gives thumbs-up,
looking terribly sincere. Holds pose. CREDITS begin. CREATURE’S hand comes up
from below, reaching for the NARRATOR’S throat. NARRATOR doesn’t flinch.
NARRATOR
Stop that.
CREATURE’S hand slowly
sinks back down.
FADE TO BLACK
CREDITS continue to
end.
------------------
The second script was written in November of 2019, just ahead of shooting the outdoor vox pop scene. We stuck with this script through the rest of the production, with any changes coming during the filming and editing. This was draft 2.5.
SCENE 1
EXT: HOUSE/FLAT, NIGHT
Establish the house
has street lights outside, close to the house.
SCENE 2
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The bedroom is lit
only from the street lights outside. There are two people in the bed.
The MAN wakes.
Bleary-eyed, he looks over to the table by the bedside.
His hand reaches for
the mobile phone, fumbling for it. Around the table, dark shadows are abruptly
chased away by the light of the screen.
The man looks at the
phone screen.
CLOSE-UP: PHONE SCREEN
It’s after 2am, but
not by much.
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The man leans back, so
tired.
His hand dumps the
phone back on the table. As it pulls away, just as the light on the screen goes
out, there’s the suggestion of eyes glittering in the dark by the table.
The man gets up,
reluctantly.
NOTE: All the shots from
here on leave suggestive space beside the man, John Carpenter style. All the
shadows seem darker than they need to be, and pregnant with malice. The only
light comes from streetlights outside the house.
SCENE 3
INT: HALLWAY, NIGHT
The man heads for the
bathroom. He doesn’t switch on lights. The shot lingers on the darkness he
leaves behind him in the bedroom door.
The man turns right
into the bathroom. Now the focus is on the shadows in the rest of the hall.
SCENE 4
INT: BATHROOM
The man is sitting on
the toilet. He’s rubbing his eyes, barely awake.
The view abruptly,
silently rushes back from the man to frame him in the doorway to the bathroom.
Shadows gather. Is that…?
View cuts back to the
man on the loo. He looks up.
View of the doorway
from inside the bathroom. There’s a slow, slow creep towards the edge of the
door frame.
View of the man.
There’s a slow, slow creep to a close-up of his face. He’s looking confused.
Did he see something? Is there someone there?
The two viewpoints
flick back and forwards. It lingers on the edge of the door. Waiting.
One beat.
Two.
Back to the man. He
tips his head, nervous now.
Back to the door
frame. Slightly closer in.
One beat.
Two.
A slight movement in
the shadows.
The man reacts.
Beat.
Back to the door
frame.
Beat.
SFX (off) – Very
slight parp, gentle splash
Back to the man. Full
shot of him sitting on the loo.
Beat.
He shrugs, reaching
for the toilet roll.
SCENE 5
INT: HALLWAY, NIGHT
SFX (off) – Toilet
flushes.
There’s a slightly too
long moment of silence, establishing the shadows. Did something just retreat
into the deeper darkness?
The man walks into the
hall, scratching. He’s a little more awake. He walks toward the bedroom, past
the camera. The shot lingers for an instant. The darkness shifts.
SCENE 6
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The man stops. He’s
just inside the door to his bedroom, his back to the hallway. Behind him, the
shadows seep across the hallway, the darkness behind him gathering. He is very
awake now, his skin crawling.
One beat.
Two.
He turns quickly.
CLOSE-UP: BEDROOM DOOR
Door shutting, the
man’s hand holding it shut.
INT: BEDROOM, NIGHT
The man is breathing
slightly harder than he should, his hand still flat on the door. He’s leaning
into it, slightly.
One beat.
Two.
He smiles slightly,
feeling foolish.
The man steps back,
revealing as he does the pale figure of a Ju-On/The Grudge style CREATURE right
beside him. He registers it in that instant and goes to scream.
Freeze-frame
Beat.
SCENE 7
INT: TV STUDIO,
MIXING DESK
In a shift, it becomes apparent that we are
now seeing the freeze-frame image on a monitor. Camera pulls back to show the
NARRATOR. Monty-Python style
character, always in a trench coat and Trilby hat, always looking terribly
earnest, RP accent.
NARRATOR
Fuckovious
Maximus. In Scotch Gaelic, the legendary Gettaefuk. In French, >screams<
and waves arms.
A recent rise
in the number of these creatures has left many of the great British public scared and confused.
CUT TO…
SCENE 8
EXT: STREET SCENE, NIGHT
PERSON #1 is being
interviewed by the NARRATOR. There is a low wall behind them. WIFE #1 is there,
looking permanently disapproving of PERSON #1. DAUGHTER #1 is tapping away on
phone, ignoring everything.
NARRATOR
How do you feel about the recent rise in the
number of these creatures?
PERSON #1
I’m confused
and scared.
PERSON #1 realises
immediately he’s made a life-altering mistake. He cringes. NARRATOR and WIFE #1
exchange disappointed looks. DAUGHTER #1 does weaponised eye-rolling. WIFE #1
thwacks PERSON #1 with huge handbag.
NARRATOR
(Patronising
patient tone)
I see. Is it
possible that you could be scared and confused?
PERSON #1
Yes.
NARRATOR turns to
camera. As he speaks, a CREATURE slowly starts to crawl over the low wall.
PERSON #1 and WIFE #1 are the intended victims. Camera moves in to frame just
the NARRATOR.
NARRATOR
So, there you
have it. However. Could it be that the average man in the street has got it all wrong? Again.
Camera moves back out
to reveal the CREATURE standing beside DAUGHTER #1, who is ignoring him.
NARRATOR
Could it be
that there are distinct advantages to having these ancient creatures in our lives?
The CREATURE is
standing, creepy as all Hell. It’s not moving.
NARRATOR
We explored a
few of the possibilities to give you
some idea of how you can take advantage of this supernatural
bounty.
Beat.
The CREATURE does bunny
ears behind the NARRATOR. He doesn’t even look at it when he scolds it.
NARRATOR
Stop that.
The CREATURE somehow
looks sheepish *and* creepy. DAUGHTER #1 scowls at the CREATURE, huffs and
walks off. The NARRATOR looks at it briefly, scowling, then back to camera.
Beat.
CUT TO…
SCENE 9
INT: LOUNGE/TV ROOM, NIGHT
A GROUP OF 4 YOUTHS
are sitting around, playing video games. A CLOCK in the corner of the room
shows it’s 1am.
MOTHER comes into the
room, in her hideous nightdress. She points to the CLOCK, irritated. The YOUTHS
flip her off and continue gaming.
NARRATOR (off)
Are you tired
of your children and their ill-chosen friends playing the video game until all hours? And on a school night!
MOTHER nods into
camera. She is sad.
NARRATOR (off)
Never fear,
brave woman. (MOTHER looks puzzled.) Instead,
use fear. (MOTHER looks more puzzled.) As a weapon in your disciplinary
arsenal! (MOTHER looks happy.) Observe.
CUT TO…
The YOUTHS are playing
videogames again. Two of them win, two lose. Close on the winning couple of the
Youths as they celebrate. The camera cuts back to long view to show a CREATURE
lurking in the shadows behind the sofa. As one, the YOUTHS realise something is
up. Looking scared, they turn slowly to the CREATURE.
CUT TO…
Ove the shoulder of
the CREATURE, we see the YOUTHS react, screaming.
CUT TO…
CREATURE lunges into
camera.
CUT TO…
SCENE 10
EXT: STREET, FRONT DOOR OF HOUSE, NIGHT
All but one of the
YOUTHS sprint out of the house, screaming.
CUT TO…
SCENE 11
INT: YOUTH’S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The lights are on. The
remaining YOUTH is in his bed, foetal position, rocking. He/she is beyond
terrified.
Camera pulls back to
the MOTHER standing in the doorway. She gives a thumbs-up, switching off the
light and almost closing the door.
NARRATOR (off)
There. That’s
better. He won’t do that again. In a hurry.
View stays on the
door. Long, scary fingers briefly wrap around the edge of the door before it is
pushed closed.
Beat.
SFX YOUTH (off) -
Screaming
CUT TO…
SCENE 12
INT: BATHROOM, NIGHT
PERSON #2 is sitting
on the toilet. They are clearly in some distress, straining away. There is
empty space in front of them, hinting that something should be there. Camera
begins to zoom in on PERSON #2.
NARRATOR
Are you
experiencing unmentionable distress in the toileting process?
PERSON #2 nods to
camera, clearly distressed in the toileting process.
NARRATOR
It need not be
like this. (PERSON #2 looks hopeful.) Try
this.
Beat.
PERSON #2 looks
confused. He/she turns, and there is a hideous face of a CREATURE leering right
at them. PERSON #2 takes a breath to scream when…
SFX (off) – OTT
emptying of bowels noises.
The emptying of bowels
noises go on for just slightly too long. (PERSON #2 has to really sell the
moment!) CREATURE does not react. When the noises stop, PERSON #2 turns and
gives a thumbs-up to the camera.
NARRATOR
There you are,
you vile aberration. Your hideous unfortunism is dealt with, and in a way that isn’t a burden to the State.
PERSON #2 turn back to
the CREATURE, puzzled.
Beat.
The CREATURE smiles in
a predatory way.
Beat.
CREATURE opens its
mouth, wide and hungry, as PERSON #2 goes to scream.
CUT TO…
SCENE 13
INT: BEDROOM, MORNING (BUT BASICALLY NIGHT)
Overhead view looking
down on to a bed. PERSON #3 is sleeping soundly. After a moment…
SFX - alarm clock goes off.
Side view now, as
PERSON #3 looks grumpy, eyes still closed.
View of bedside table,
where the ALARM CLOCK gets slapped off by a questing hand.
Side view. PERSON #3
smiles and goes back to sleep, lying on their back.
NARRATOR (off)
Do you have
problems getting up in the cold winter mornings, despite it being your God-given duty to contribute to this great
society? (Beat.) You piece of
excrement.
PERSON #3 looks up at
the camera, frowning, then goes back to blissful sleep.
NARRATOR (off)
I thought as
much. No matter. There is a solution, have no fear! (Beat.) Well, I say that…
PERSON #3 shifts
uncomfortably, their arms atop the covers. After a moment, a third arm uncurls
from under the blankets. It pulls aside a pillow to reveal a CREATURE lying
beneath PERSON #3, leering over their shoulder. Another arm unfurls on the
opposite side, then legs on either side of PERSON #3. They slowly enwrap their
victim who is about to scream when…
CUT TO…
SCENE 14
INT: OFFICE, DAY
PERSON #3 is at their
desk. They are shaking, but are otherwise catatonic with fear. PERSON #4 drops
off some more paperwork. PERSON #3 reaches for it. As their hand hits it, the
CREATURE’s hand reaches up and slaps down on top of theirs, the leering face
rising up to grin up at PERSON #3, who makes to scream.
FILTER-SHIFT TO…
SCENE 15
In a shift now
familiar to the audience, it becomes apparent that we are now seeing the
freeze-frame image on a monitor. Camera pulls back to show the NARRATOR before
slowly zooming in to focus on him.
NARRATOR
So, there you
have it. Typical British ingenuity turns a plague of Godless abominations into a useful resource.
CUT TO…
SCENE 16
A brief montage of
triumphant moments from the film.
NARRATOR (off)
From
recalcitrant youth, to productivity problems, and even unmentionables in the downstairs department, there are few
problems that cannot be solved with the correct
application of hideous creatures from the netherworld. Just remember…
CUT TO…
SCENE 17
INT: TV STUDIO, MIXING DESK
NARRATOR looking
terribly serious.
NARRATOR
Buy British!
Gives thumbs-up,
looking terribly sincere. Holds pose. CREDITS begin. CREATURE’S hand comes up
from below, reaching for the NARRATOR’S throat. NARRATOR doesn’t flinch.
NARRATOR
Stop that.
CREATURE’S hand slowly
sinks back down.
FADE TO BLACK
CREDITS continue to
end.
-----------------------
F.M. has an IMDb page, with full listings of cast and crew as well as some behind the scenes pics, here.
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