Halo. Again.

by Iain Lowson

I sat last night until 1am playing Halo 4. This was a surprise to me, especially as I remembered precious little about the session this morning when I woke up. I wasn't drunk. It just wasn't very memorable.

It’s a series I loved back when the first game arrived, but then slowly fell out with; particularly it’s famed multi-player. I liked the considered pace of the first game’s LAN party play. After the second, it became faster and, for me at least, kind of dull and samey. He who twitched first wins. Here I am, though, back playing Master Slab one more time. Just one more.

Each time, I get the latest incarnation because I wanted to see what happened to one particular character. Each time I’d come away from the whole experience feeling slightly more disappointed than last time. Each time I’d promise myself that I wouldn’t go back. I wouldn’t listen to the siren call of the only character in the whole Halo series. 

Cortana has always been fun to listen to. I was drawn to play Halo 4 because I read that the story centred around her. It always has, to be honest. Master Slab and the Mini-Slabs that surround him are of no interest. Cortana’s bitter companionship made all the macho crap bearable. Her agenda made sense, and I love that Master Slab gave in and went with her. I love that that is continued in Halo 4. There’s a ‘but’ though, and it’s a big one. 

Yes, I am going to go there. The ‘but’ is a ‘butt’. And ‘boobs’. Cortana has always been an AI construct designed by teenage boys. Her character has risen above the fact that she’s basically nekkid, a design choice that has become a real elephant in the room as the series has developed. Cortana was built (in the fiction) by and from a hard-bitten female genius scientist who struggles to make her voice heard in the military organisation that surrounds, funds and stifles her all at once. Well, Halsley, the boys aren’t taking you seriously coz they’ve all seen your bare butt in bright, shimmering blue. 

In Halo 3, the character model was starting to get a little uncomfortable to be around. In Halo 4, it feels to me like a line has been crossed. She’s no longer a computer AI with a challenging, confident attitude that transcended her phnarr-phnarr form. In Halo 4, she’s a naked woman with a bit of blue paint on her. It’s as though one of the impossible creatures from the DOA: Beach Volleyball series is wearing a Halo-themed bikini. Thankfully, there are no ‘realistic’ breast physics, but I’m expecting those to turn up in Halo 5. By ‘popular’ demand, of course… 

What makes it harder is that it almost fits the story of Halo 4. Cortana is falling apart, having reached the end of her expected life. She stands on the edge of the abyss, her sanity failing as she begins to think herself to death. She’s vulnerable. Her knowledge, the most lethal weapon in the Halo series, is what is killing her. It’s well acted, well scripted. Her expressive face in the cutscenes shows the pain and confusion. Her relationship with Master Slab has never been so tender. 

But, hey – boobs!! 

Those elephants in the room are a clear problem. In her vulnerable moments, the art guys at 343 focus on Cortana’s face. However, as soon as the shot pulls back, the realism of the character model drives a wedge between the viewer (well, this viewer) and the character. I feel the need to find a blanket and drape it across her shoulders. As a result, her mental nakedness is undermined by her physical nekkidness. The character and story are undermined because you’re distracted. 

Does that make me a prude? Anyone who knows me knows that’s not the case. I’ll go see Dita von Teese (twice now, in fact), but won’t go to a titty bar. Halo 4 seems trapped between both, unable to make its mind up – wonderfully brazen, confident, in-control burlesque, or the dark, dingy, smoke-filled air of the worst kind of lap dance bar run by guys wearing 70’s facial hair?  

For me, Cortana has become a victim, of sorts, of a dodgy design decision made back-in-the-day. However, that design decision has been compounded by the drive to make her character model increasingly realistic. I will admit that I haven’t finished the Halo 4 campaign, but that isn’t the point. If, at the end, Cortana reappears wearing a comfortably baggy uniform that would feel… worse somehow. There’s no solution now, save to continue with the character as is. Once she’s dressed in her old, wonderfully brazen, confident, in-control attitude viewers will be distracted from the fact that her arse is hingin’ oot.

 

(But only for a while.)